College Students, Here’s How to Ask for the Support of your Parents and Family
By Richard Leon Linfield, Ph.D., with Leilani Darling, J.D.
Some students are fortunate enough to have family members who desire to help them with their college education. Are you one of them?
You may have parents and grandparents who would like to assist you with budgeting, or even to pay for some of your expenses. Or you may have siblings and other family members who offer to help you with your studies and reports. Perhaps your boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse is one of these people.
If you’re going to accept help, plan appropriate ways to express your gratitude for the help you receive, especially financial aid. Hint: “I don’t know how to thank you” is not good enough.
How many ways can your parents help you? They may be able to assist you in getting the right sort of employment that doesn’t interfere with your studies.
They might pay for special backup training, such as courses and other materials on college student websites.
A good place for parents to start is to consider helping with tuition and expenses. Parents who wish to help can give anything from restricted partial contributions to the full and complete amount. Having the “college expenses talk” (click the link) with parents is a crucial moment for most students.
Many parents have found it very useful to take out a Direct PLUS Loan. These are described on the Direct Plus website as “federal loans that parents of dependent undergraduate students can use to help pay for college or career school.” The parent must have an acceptable credit history.
For more information and to apply, see Direct PLUS Loans for Parents.
Parents who are web-savvy can help students complete the FAFSA application (click here). This determines what kind of federal aid a student may or may not get. The FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) is a necessary first step for any student planning on college. Students whose parents apply for Direct Plus loans must have completed the FAFSA application first.
Your parents might support you by allowing you to live in their home, or they might provide meals or transportation for you.
What are the best ways you can show your parents how grateful you are? Make a list of several actions you can take in addition to verbally thanking them. Expressing your gratitude is highly important both for them and for yourself. The emotion of gratitude improves mental health and even physical health, as research has demonstrated.
Don’t ever forget this: If you accept parental help, your responsibility (which your parents might well require of you) is to keep up your grades and show them you’re doing so.
Don’t be surprised if you find a thin line between help and interference. A family member or spouse who thinks they “know what’s best for you” might not be qualified to advise you on your studies, even if they think they are.
You can always politely decline academic help from a well-meaning relative, saying you’re using a tutor on campus who is an expert in the subject. (If you’re not using a tutor, by the way, you’d be smart to start.)
Students, to support your parents in helping you — call or write your parents today! Stay in touch with them, because they may well be afraid that you’ll drift away from them. It's time to establish a new and more mature relationship with them. Find ways to accept their help without being dependent on them. A counselor on your campus may be able to help you with this potential problem.
Best wishes for your education! — Richard Linfield and Leilani Darling Subscribe to our newsletter: https://upscri.be/f/f2eya1
Richard Leon Linfield, Ph.D. and Leilani Darling, J.D. are a writing team in New Mexico. He’s a retired professor of English and philosophy who coaches students and teachers in student success. She’s an attorney and the author of How to be Happy: The Shocking Truth. Together they publish www.SuccessInCollegeStudies.com.